Nothing is ever easy

In life, there will be so many misunderstandings.

People too tired to ask and people will begin to assume.

Some too tired to explain and some too tired to know why.

Sometimes, things need to be left unspoken, unexplained.

Judgement will always come no matter how hard people explain.

Things aint always go as we expect.

But the truth, will be truth.

If it is meant, it is meant.

Nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy.

I know

I know im not a kind of extrovert one. i dont know since when, i enjoy myself being alone, talking to myself, overthink in silence, going anywhere by myself, keeping everything just in me, myself.

I know, some people think it is boring to be me, kinda introvert, not a funny one. But i find it is good somehow. I believe eventhough human need others as a social being, they also need time to be alone.

I know, im not a good speaker. I cannot tell people exactly what i thought what i mean, some people usually misunderstand me. Im better in silence, talking to myself, keeping everything alone.

I know, not everytime im being like this, but i know i spent many times being like this rather than going out socially.

I know, no, i dont know, what exactly what people expect from me. When im start talking, giving my opinion, they dont listen. And when im listening, they blame me for not talking. Hello, i used to talk and u just dont want to listen. Im exactly talking what u are saying about!

I know, im mad, im disappoint, im tired. But i know, these make me learn.

I know world is not a peaceful place to stay. People jerk, people good.

I know im not supposed to be like this, but i need to let it all out. Im not a good speaker, then lemme try as a writer.

All the things that press me will make me stronger, yes i know, i know that bullshit for sure, for real. But for now, i just wanna complain. 

just pardon me this time, to complain, to be mad, and to think. something better left unsaid, kept deep inside, as a secret. Because i know, it is hurt when i tell people, they can hear, but they cant understand.

Seandainya

Kamu tau gak, di saat pernikahan, gak ada yg bilang I will always love you, tapi adanya bilang He or she always makes joy to my day, together in happiness or sadness.

Aku tertegun.

Kamu punya aku, I will make joy to your day. You have me. Dan tangannya terulur membelai rambutku

.

Seandainya semua tidak sesulit ini. Seandainya mencintai tidak serumit ini.

I do not love you

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose,
or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

i love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks yo your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this;

Where I does not exist, nor you.
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

Pablo Neruda

The Traveler and The Pirate

There was a story,

About a traveler and a pirate. They both like to go to many places. They both knew each other for a long time. They were so close and comforted each other. Like the best partner, the best couple ever. They made promise, no matter what happened they will always looked for each other.

One day, when the traveler joined the pirate and they sailed together, a storm sunk the boat and separated them. The traveler shipwrecked in an island which the traveler already known before. There, the traveler met a doctor who cured the traveler.

The pirate, didnt know how, he still stuck at the sea. At first, his heart broke because he lost his best partner. but then he was found by another pirates and they sailed together. The pirate felt happy that finally he met other people, in his kind. 

The traveler looked for the pirate because of the promise they made. The traveler stayed in the island with the doctor, hoping the pirate would be there too. One day, the pirate stopped there and they met. But the pirates has changed. And the traveler too. They separated.

The pirate left the traveler. Went to the sea with his kind. The traveler broke and sad, he lost his best guy. but the traveler left with the doctor. The doctor was a nice one. He accompanied the traveler and shared happiness. Even though they were different but they completed each other. The traveler had great times, which the traveler never had before. 

The pirate separated with his kind, he sailed by his ownself, and he was sad. He missed the traveler and he regret the day he left the island. He tried to come back.

But it was too late. The traveler and the pirate made their own way. They separated, and no way to come back together. No matter how long they have been together but everything has changed.

A traveler is a traveler and a pirate is still a pirate. No matter how close they were, no matter how many similarities they have, no matter how deep they knew each other, but they are different now.

They were great partners but the pirate has to go away. He only was the partner not is partner anymore. The traveler has new partner, and the pirate not allowed to break that. He knew if he still around that could happened but he decided to go.

and this is the story..

when the traveler and the pirate are not together anymore. The traveler stuck in the island with the doctor and the pirate go far far away. But they both know, they special for each other. They were a great partners, and no one can disagree. Bestfriend will always be bestfriend, no matter how far distance and things around. 

Wild World

Hai! It's been 3 months since my last post. Hehehe.
I passed my national and school exams with yeah (i think and proud) great scores on my report. I finished my High School and got some scholars from some universities. I went to Bali with my High School pals, and lost my blackberry though there, whereas i didn't regret it because we had so much fun that time. I went to Ujung Genteng. I went to soooooo many places and did sooooooo many things these holidays. I hadmy prom. I celebrated the graduation. I celebrated birthday. I met friends. I had fun with family. I went out with lover. And so on and so on. I had so many good times with my family, lover, my soon to be family, and super lovely friends. Even there were some problems but now they all over. Peace spreads in everywhere. Joy and happiness come indeed. My holiday almost over. My friends move to another town even country to start the university life. Me, coming soon to move out from town to start my university too. I was lived in a comfort zone where my parents made. And now i realize that i will face the real world in no time. It is not going to be easy, but hard though. Somehow, i'm not ready yet. But fucking yeah, hello real life, hello wild world, where the unfair and complication placed, also hidden happiness and joy. Guide me through please..

Wish

Hei jane, here's wishing you a day that's as special as you are. Happy birthday, hope it is awesome as you are. Have a great time with all that you love, wishing you success and happiness always, may you have a very special birthday filled with everything your heart desires and may all your dreams come true, like old wine you keep getting better with time, the older you get, the better you become, you're a gift in everyone's life. I hope you will receive a lot of special gifts. And im sure you wont be feeling like scar that you wrote, just kidding. Im excited, you are eighteen now. haha. have the very best birthday jane, i know you will have a great one. God bless you and fam, best wishes for your life.

HAPPY SWEET EIGHTEEN BIRTHDAY JANE APRILIA

may the greatest be ever in your favor

08 April 2012

Forever fifteen

Couple days to my birthday, but i feel insecure. Really. Its like, my age doesnt work after 15. I am just wishing a special day loaded with happiness, just a simple wish.

Humanity

Is there any life when there is no one assuming that you are do exist? No, there isnt.

Born this way

Kemaren, gw dan temen2 sekelas pergi ke tempat yg bener2 spesial. Sekolah Luar Biasa. Kita ngadain kegiatan sosial di sana.

Sbenernya dulu, gw juga pernah beberapa kali ngajar di rumah singgah buat anak2 jalanan.
Tapi kali ini rasanya beda banget.
Bener2 beda.

Kebetulan gw bagian seksi acara sebagai time keeper, tugasnya mondar-mandir ngejaga keteraturan jadwal dan ngasi tau jam2. Otomatis gw bulak-balik ke kelas2.
Hampir semua kelas gw datengin brg temen gw yg time keeper juga. Dan saat itulah hati gw terenyuh.

Banyak anak2 kecil yang beda banget sm kita. Secara fisik mereka sama, tapi kelakuan mereka beda. Mereka ga bisa bicara selayaknya anak normal, mereka ga tanggap selayaknya anak normal, dan mereka gabisa berpikir selayaknya anak normal.

Ada anak yang hiper dan ada juga yang hipo.

Bahkan ada yg usia smp dan sma hingga dewasa.

Ada juga anak tuna netra yang lg ujian menggunakan huruf braille. Dan anak2 tuna rungu dan tuna wicara yang berkomunikasi dalam hening.

Gw diem, gw haru. Bener2 haru. Dalam kondisi mereka yang kaya gitu, mereka masih senyum dan semanngat banget waktu kita dateng dan ajak mereka bersosialisasi, nyanyi, nari, main. Walaupun cuma lempar bola mereka seneng bgt.

Ada satu anak, namanya dio. Dia masih kecil, kelas 1 SD. Gw nyamperin dia. Doi lg ngegambar.
"Dio, lg bikin apa?"
"gunung."
"wah bagus gambarnya, dio bljr drmana?"
"......"
"dio maen puzzle yu sama kaka?"
"puzzle..."
(gw sodorin puzzle nya trs dia maenin)
(5 menit kemudian)
"horeee puzzlenya jadii!! Hebat dioo.."
"hore kaka dio bisa dio bisa!!" ( dia ngajak gw tos, trs ngepelin tangan ke atas smbil loncat2 terus meluk gw)
"iya...dio hebat" (gw cm bs bales pelukan dia smbil senyum.)

Gw ga tahan, kejadian sepele sih, tapi berarti banget buat gw. Itu puzzle cuma terdiri dari 3 bagian, kepala, mulut, dan rambut. Anak kecil 3 taon juga gw rasa cepet ngerjainnya. Tapi dio butuh 5 menit. Dan reaksinya dia seneng banget, seakan dia menang juara dunia.

Gw sadar, gw langsung sadar. Dio ngajarin gw banyak hal.
Banyak hal dalam hidup gw yg kurang gw syukurin.
Gw slalu ngerasa "kenapa sih" "ko gitu" "ga adil"

Kadang, gw bisa ribut sendiri kalo gw jatoh pas lagi jalan, smentara di luar sana banyak orang yang berharap bisa jalan dan jatoh kaya gw.
Kadang, gw ngomel kalo denger ade gw nyanyi pas gw belajar, sementara banyak org diluar sana yg hidup dlm keheningan.
Kadang, gw kesel kalo dimarahin, smentara diluar sana banyak anak yang ga bisa sadar kalo mereka tuh dimarahin
Kadang, gw gasuka nonton film yg jelek, smentara diluar sana ada anak kecil yg berjuang belajar huruf braille.
Kadang, kalo dikasih tugas yg berat gw ngeluh cape ini itu, sementara di luar sana banyak anak yang ga dianugerahi kemampuan berpikir yang normal.
Kadang, gw cape ngejalanin hidup yg monoton, yg susah, yang penuh masalah, smentara banyak anak di luar sana yg bersedia nuker hidupnya sm hidup gw yg jauh lbh enak, jauh lbh berkecukupan, dan jauh lebih normal.

Kegiatan ini bikin gw sadar, apapun yg kita punya sebaiknya kita hargain itu. Karena banyak org lain yg ga sberuntung kita.

In this world, no one born with nothing. Everyone has purpose.
To help others.
But first, we must appreciate ourself.
Cause when u give a life to yourself, you could give life to others.
When u have chance, everyone does too.

Thank God i'm alive
Thank God i'm normal
Thank God i'm complete

And so do you, whoever read this, love your life whatever it'd be like, be grateful.
Because no one live with nothing.
Everyone has purposes, everyone has hopes.